Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Hatin On Flights

What's up gangstas and gangstettes, it’s your girl Harlem, if you even remember who I am. As you can tell I have not posted since Thursday, WTT you ask (What The Tuna)?!?!? Well I have been on a slight vacay if you wanna call it that, which leads to today’s post....I am Hatin on Flights! For some reason I have been all into listing the reasons I hate things, so today I am keeping that tradish alive, see below.

1. You literally have to sell your soul to the devil because flights cost a milly. Not to mention if you want to bring a traveling buddy along like my lil doogie gangsta. To take a dog on a flight it costs almost as much as a full roundtrip ticket. The problem is Doogie doesn't get his own seat; he has to sit in a bag under the damn seat. WTT, you wouldn't put your son under the seat...or would you?

2. The loading of the bird - This is horrible. You load by zone/seat section. First of all, they tell you two small carry-ons...how come there are always a milly Mo's that carry on two full suitcases a piece. So then the people like me who follow the rules have to jam their small carryon in a tight space so that all my valuables are squished/break. Why do you think your shiz is more important than mine? Plus, when you carry on large items like that, you are juggling them in a small aisle like the rest of us, but instead of it taking you 5 mins to store your items, you are in the aisle for a damn hour jugglin your junk.

This guy had his jacket and his ladies jacket as well as a plastic bag in an overhead bin. I put my normal carry on sized bag in front of his small items because there was literally nowhere else to put my bag. He looks at me and says, "You just squished my stuff." I politely said sorry, but your girl Harlem wanted to say, "Why you lookin at me like a damn fool. I know I squished your shiz, but would you rather I store my bag on your damn head?"

3. The seats are so damn small. Even if you are anorexic you still get all up in people's grill. Whether it's the slight elbow when grabbing a drink from the flight attendants, or in my instance when I fall asleep and continually jump a foot in the air every three minutes. That shakes the damn seats. I wonder what I dream about on planes that makes me a damn Mexican Jumping Bean.

4. Layovers - Are these not the worst? Either you are stressing that you are going to miss your connecting, or you are bored as hell with a 4 hour lay over.

5. Eating - Forget being healthy while traveling. The airplanes don't give free food anymore, who wants to pay 50.00 for a stank ass sammy? So to preoccupy you in a layover, or even while you are on the flight you HAVE to buy snacks. I'm talkin Doritos, chocolate, Fast Food, and of course Antacid for the damn indigestion from the junk food and the nervous feeling that this plane could go down any second!

6. Getting off the plane - Getting off the plane is the worst. You have those people that run all the way from the back to the front like there's a damn fire. What is up with that? It just makes me want to stick my foot out and trip them just so I can say "Slow Your Roll Beyotch"!

I was getting off a flight one time and one of the people that pushed passed me was this homeless lady I always see on the road on my way to work. How the hell did she have enough money to be on that flight, and why was she coming from New York? I know for a fact it was her because I see this chick every day askin for money. If you make that much money being homeless, then sign me up. I don't even have to interview for that job.

I was going to hate on security lines as well, but luckily enough for me security went really quickly and really smoothly. Why can't it always be like that?!?!

The one thing I love about airports is watching people arrive. Their loved ones always look so happy. Many people start crying. I must say, for the most part...you usually feel loved upon arrival. You most likely will feel sad upon departure.

*Side Note*: My homie http://diaryofamadbathroom.blogspot.com/ gave me an award, but I have been unable to pick it up because I am still trying to figure out this whole HTML bullshiz, why does it have to be so complicated. It's literally another language! I definitely appreciate it and hope to figure it out soon!!!

Today's Lesson: Make sure you have a stiff cocktail before attempting travel by plane.


  1. Yeah, and now they're starting to charge for your luggage. Then I heard today that some airlines may start charging to use the on board bathroom. WHAT THE TUNA?

  2. Flights suck for sure, but they have us by the testes because it's the only way to get anywhere good.

  3. Yeah, whenever I fly I always get a seat right next to a guy fatter than me and this dude ain't bathed in I don't know how long. That's why I know where the bar is in any airport I've ever been to. I gotta admit though, it makes the layovers easier.
    Great post, Harlem!

  4. This is why I haven't flown in about 25 years.

  5. I hate your blog. And so I have followed it, the better to maintain my hate level. Thanks for the visit and comment at Word Garden. It'a always nice to see a new face! Um, what I meant was, I hate new people. You have to smile and remember their stupid names n junk. By the way, my old dog, Alex, used to do that same thing, watch Animal Planet!

    The people who run airlines and airports should be ritually shoved into mud volcanoes once a week, just because.