Thursday, October 1, 2009

Hatin on Macy

So there is a lot ya'll don't know bout your girl Harlem. I worked at Macy's for two months. Sadly enough, it is not as glamorous as the perfume spritzing girls in the front make it look. This was the job from H-E-L-L!!! First of all, they required you to dress up. I guess my booty shorts and booby shirt weren't good enough. So, I watched some Life In The Fab Lane with Kimora Lee Simmons and realized I needed some "Fabulosity" up in my wardrobe. Unfortunately, I could not afford this, so I went for the simple black pants and black button up. I know what you are thinking...LORING (combination of lame and boring)!

First month of work they make it look really swell. The wardens give you a free month of not having to meet a sales goal. Everything you sell you make a small amount of commission on. The only thing that sucks at this point is the fact that the girl I work with is a major beyotch. She feels that just because she's been working there her whole life that she can go all army captain on me and harass my arse. She makes me put all of the peeps clothes back on hangers and put them all away. This results in me getting hardly any commission. Not to mention we have to get to work uber early on the mornings of new arrivals and sales. This way we can change out all the sales signs and put clothes on sales racks. All of this is done by using a laser gun.....shoot, the only gat I know how to use is my 9. Another thing you don't know is I am NOT a morning person. This beyotch starts given me tude in the mornins and I will bury her under a pile of clothes and sit on her damn face.

Second month of work they decide to hire a man to work in the Juniors department. Who was the Mo that decided that? A Man....in Juniors.....CREEPY! He was the manager since we never had one before. That fool of course did not know women’s clothing, and refused to go in the women's dressing room even when the store was closed. I had to do all the damn work. Also, they make you get a ridiculous sales goal each week. You don't make any commission until you sell more then your sales goal. If you sell $1.00 over have fun with your .10 commission!

On my last night in hell there were soooo many clothes piled on the floor in the girls dressing room, OFF hangers! Hell to the no if they think Harlem is gonna pick that shiz up yet again on her own! So what did I do???? I told that pervie man that I was goin to powder my damn nose and then I took off runnin. You got that right, I ran out the damn door so fast it makes the road runner look like a snail. To this day I still wonder how long it took him to realize I wasn't comin back.

Lesson of the day: Work at McDonalds, retail blows the big one.

1 comment:

  1. Ugggghhhhh, I remember my days in retail.

    Also I am going to start using the word "loring", that is genius!

    : )

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