Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Hatin on Waxin

Hey ya'll....sooo I did it....I decided to follow the "in" crowd and get a bikini wax. Here's the story of my adventure with Harriet (my home girl from Mc D's).

Harriet suggested it would be a lot easier if I got sauced first; it would help with the awkwardness of undressing in front of a complete stranger. So after a long day at Mc D's we went out for some drinks. Three tequila shots later your girl Harl was feelin no pain. Hell I could've gotten a damn bikini wax while jumpin out of a plane with no parachute on. Upon arriving to "Wendy's Waxin Wonderland", Lisa (the devil) called me into the back room to begin my transformation. Talk about awkward....she stood there and said she was ready and just stared at me. This is when the tequila shots came in handy. Normally your girl is all shy about strangers, but I stripped right down like it was my job, jumped on the bench, and spread em wide. All while sayin, "take it all off" (what was I thinkin).

Now the fun begins....Lisa spreads the wax on my bikini line and lays the first strip while talking about how she could tell I shave....RIIIIIIIP. I immediately think, WOW this isn't bad at all! Boy was I wrong...she continues searchin and rippin through my lady bits, layer after layer. I keep thinkin to myself, why the hell is she not wearin gloves. Call me immature, but how damn nasty it must be to touch a strangers Hernany with bare hands! Then after a majority of the rips she continually is showin me the damn hairy strip sayin, "it hurt so bad cause 3 hairs in one, next time not hurt so bad." Then she'd show me another, "look how many hairs in that one." Yea Lisa, thanks, not interested! Once she had finished mowin half of my snicker doodle she rubs it and says, "so soft, feel how soft." I shook my head and said, "yea, looks great." She yelped, "NOOO, feel!" She proceeded to grab my damn hand and rub it up and down on the bare spot. WTF Lisa! I get're a pro, but was that necessary? The second half was a lot more painful because I was gettin really sore from the constant rippin of flesh and hair. So, just when I think she is finished she whips out the damn tweezers. She starts tweezin the lady bits! WTF, who the hell thought of that?!?!? Not to mention I am sore as hell so every little hair she tweezes feels like someone is rippin knives out of my cootie.

So experience over, right...WRONG again! She has me turn on my side. So, I roll over facing her. She says, "other way." So I roll over facin the wall, away from Lisa. At this point I am thinkin she is gonna have me scissor kick up to reach some hidden hairs....well these hairs were hidden alright. She takes her bare hands and spreads my damn butt cheeks and waxes away. That's right ladies and gents, this may be TMI, but she waxed my damn B-Hole! I didn't even get a warnin! I didn't even get asked if I wanted it, how violatin. And people have the audacity to question me when I say I don't like surprises.

So now I am done, bare as the day I was born. Talk about a sobering experience, no Alcoholics Anonymous classes needed, just take them to get waxed. I walked out to see Harriet with this huge smile on her face. I said, "Girl, you didn't mention them waxin the garbage disposal." She said, "I know, I figured it'd be better if you didn't know that minor detail." HA...Minor my arse...literally!

I was sore all of the next day. It felt like I had a damn sunburn. Plus, I developed a wax burn from my flesh bein ripped off. Some would think I was crazy, but I will definitely be givin Lisa a shout out in 2 weeks. Supposedly if you keep up with it, it lasts 6-8!

Lesson Of The Day: Use Bikini Zone cream (can be found at Target)...your shave bumps disappear immediately!


  1. omfg i lov eyour site! love lov eloveeeee it! i am laughing so hard i think i may pee...or maybe i already have!? i can't even type that well now.

    harlem...i heart you. i wish i knew you in real life. i'd have done that with you girl! =)

    i'll return to my regularly scheduled laughing!


  2. Tweezers!! So let me get this shaved before you went? Being smooth for 6-8 weeks would be nice but damn. A sunburn on your hoo hoo? When I start dating again I guess~!

  3. No thank you. I'll stick with my hair removing cream!