Thursday, December 3, 2009

Hatin on Women

Well look who it is....it's your damn girl Harlem! Today I am totes hatin on bein a woman, see my examples on why it sucks havin a vajay.

1. I won't waste any time bein repetitive, so revisit the "Hatin on Shavin" from 10/22/09 and the recent "Hatin on Waxin".

2. Due to the above, showers take longer. It takes longer for girls to wash their hair because they use shampoo AND conditioner. Usually our hair is longer then the male species so it takes additional time to wash the entire product out. Also, we must shave our arm pits, legs (which takes an eternity), and in some cases your hoo haw. You can't forget to add in the standard amount of time just for the washin of the body. Once us women are out of the shower it takes a long time to dry our hair, style it, put lotion on, make up, and pick out clothes.
*Men only have to put some soap in their short hair, and wash their body. Some only shave their face and still manage to bitch about it. Boo Hoo pussy pants, try waxin, then you can cry!

3. It's more acceptable for a man to be overweight than a woman. If a woman is overweight she is expected to go on a milly diets and spend hours in the gym. If a man is overweight that means he has graduated from boyhood and is now found more sexy/more manly.

4. If a guy is feeling frisky and goes out and cheats on his woman, he then becomes a "hero". If a woman cheats, she just becomes a whore/hoe/slut, etc.

5. Women have to go through pregnancy. Not only do they have to monitor the male to make sure his swimmers don't escape, but then if any do...they have the burden of dealing with the lil bastard. Before pregnancy they have to deal with cravings, which lead to huge weight gain, moodiness, morning sickness, etc. Then they have to deal with the excruciating pain from being in labor and all of the gory details that go along with it. After the lil pea pod shoots out of the canal they then have the pleasure of breast feeding a baby that occasionally will pinch your nipple, again uncomfortable. Not to mention the nip leaks, or if you work you have to use a "lactation room" to pump. Also, the woman is the one that tends to get up late at night when this new joy is screamin at the top of its damn lungs. You also have the pleasure of trying to get rid of all of the baby weight you've gained, because god forbid your dick of a husband goes out and diddles the secretary...HA, what a hero!

6. Women have periods. With these comes cramps, tender teets, "occasional" moodiness, cravings, and did I mention blood...looks like a damn massacre!! All of which lasts a week if you're lucky. Once you are over this punishment you are given the blessing of menopause...HA, I won't even go there!

7. When men get wrinkles they are told that they get "sexier with age". When women get wrinkles they are directed to the nearest plastic surgeon. Again, this can lead the men to become a hero and diddle the cashier at the 99 Cent store!

8. Women have to see the Gynecologist yearly. We become violated by a stranger. Why can't they just teach boyfriends how to do this routine check up, it'd probably be wayyy more comfortable! Do I have to mention the "boob squish" test....yea, what a blessing it is to be a woman!

Lesson Of The Day: Ask Santa for a penis for Christmas, your life will be way easier.

3 comments:

  1. Love it but I'm certainly not asking Santa for a penis.

    You know what they say...becareful what you wish for.

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  2. A penis~! Can you imagine something that stupid telling leading you around? I mean perfectly intelligent men become morons when their penis gets all bossy. Nah. I'll keep my brains. But that list is pretty awful. I am actually looking forward to menopause. (I save so much in my gas bill because I don't have to heat my house as much.) After more than 40 years of a period, Aunt Flo, can stuff it.

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  3. Your post is funny but true but I have no plan to ask for a penis. He he he!

    Signs of Menopause

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