Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Hatin On City Women...

I know it's been a hot minute since my last entry and ya'll been dyin fo mo updates, but your girls been busy. Busy hatin the city that is...

The worst part bout livin in a damn city is the women! I was at a produce stand last weekend and had a lil run in with this chick in a Mercedes. I had just paid for my damn tomatoes when this lady behind me saw a rooster at the produce stand. She started flippin shiz bout how cool this one lil rooster was. She went runnin to her Mercedes, SUV no doubt, and grabbed lil Billy out the damn car. She's draggin him over to this rooster sayin, "Billy that is a real rooster and we are on a real farm". Are you friggen kiddin me??? No shit sherlock that it's a real rooster, Billy has eyes! The thing that annoyed me most was when she said that the produce stand was a real farm. I don't know what farms she's seen (obvi none) but they had one rooster, ONE! Plus it legit is a long table with produce and covered with a canvas top! Where I'm from a farm is at least 25 acres and has more then one damn rooster! Did I mention this stand is next to the freakin freeway???? Yep thats right, the freeway on ramp is one block away!

Lesson Of The Day: To see a real farm, refer to the picture above!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Hatin On Insane-ions...

Once again it's been ages since I've been on this damn blog, but ya'll are prob used to it by now. I am totes a flake and I've decided to embrace it. Anyways, I've created a new word..."Insane-ion". It's an insane person, possibly psychotic, with a dash of perv, mixed with a crazy fetish or two.

I was checkin out my analytics page to see if peeps still visit me eventhough I've been MIA. I'm still gettin a pretty dope crowd checkin me out, but I noticed I'm gettin a lot of attention from Insane-ions. I checked out the keywords people were usin to get to my page and a majority of them were from "vajazzle" and "pejazzle". There was one Insane-ion that found me with the keyword "HOW TO VOMIT ON A LADY". Are you f'ing me right now? Who the hell searches for that? Oh yea, an insane-ion would, or maybe a creeper. I have no idea how come my blog comes up when you search for vomitten on a lady, I don't recall ever writin about that shiz. Anyways, homie stayed on my blog for 30 mins. It said he/she visited 4 of my different what I would give to find out which ones!!! I must say though, I am quite flattered that someone would stay on my lil ole blog for that long, so thank you kind sir! If you want to expose yourself to me, you can anytime!

Lesson Of The Day: All visitors are good visitors...especially insane-ions with fetishes that visit for almost an hour!!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Hatin On The VMA's...

*sigh* another month has passed that your girl didn't blog once! A lot has been goin on in the world of hate....I started a healthy eatin lifestyle and workout regime. Honestly, it's been kicken my arse and I haven't been able to think about anything else but FOOD...hence no bloggin. Anyways, I am now 32 pounds and 28 inches please all of you single, taken, and bi-sexual men out there, holla at-a girl. You can find me at the Mc D's drive thru window, I'll be the one that is freely passin out her number to all men in my surroundin area.

Today I am hatin on the VMA's. I did not watch them this year since the show it sooo bogus and just an excuse for celebs to try and be as outrageous as possible. I did however watch some of the clips online. For all of you Ca Ca fans out there, I don't get it...what is your obsession with this creature? All he/she is, is a damn spectacle. Completely gettin all dragged out, for what??? To show off her acting skills...major fail! Her huge dialogue before her performance put me to sleep. If you're gonna pretend to be a dude, at least change your damn singin voice. Not to mention when she was givin the award to B. Spears, she took all of home girls speech time just to try and Spears to make out with her. Sorry honey, but B. Spears has a little more class then that. Plus who knows where Ca Ca's mouth has been, she's a dirty sloot. Bruno Mars rocked it, but unfortunately I don't like cocaine addicts. Jay Z and Kanye were horrible. Numerous times they were rappin over one another, what a damn disaster. They they were flashin the damn Illuminati symbol...the funny thing is, idiots in the crowd were flashin the illuminati symbol to. Ya'll, look it up...that triangle symbol ya'll are flashin is not somethin Jay Z made up, it's the "all seeing eye". F'ing tards. Beyonce...also an illuminati...not only sucked at performin, but her song sucked to. Way to make another spectacle by showin off your damn baby bump. Home girl, I've seen your body and you are gonna be fat as a mo fo after you have that kid. Don't expect to bounce back after birth without some damn lipo.

Lesson Of The Day: This is for you Justin Bieber...leave your snake at home until it gets bigger cause you looked like a friggin panzy with that lil worm on your hand.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Hatin On Teens...

Yet another reason I don't have kids....they turn into teens...teens that murder you with a damn hammer. Ya'll this teen (Tyler Hadley) who will now be charged as an adult, killed his parents and then left their bodies locked in the master bedroom. He then decided to throw a damn house party and invited 40-60 guests. One of those guests gave an annonymous tip about the parents still being in the house. Hence the reason the cops showed up at the front door where the lil pussy was all nervous and panicky. When the parents were found they were in the master bedroom, partially covered with household items and a hammer between them...which is suspected to be the murder weapon.

Is the world f'ing with me??? Why in the hell did this lil punk find it necessary to kill his parents?? Damn dude, you should've just run away if they were that terrible, but murder??? Son you are lucky Harlem isn't yo momma, cause I woulda bust your ass if you came at me with a hammer.

Lesson Of The Day: I don't know how many times I have to say it ya'll...DO NOT HAVE KIDS!

P.S. Today's post will not have a picture as I do NOT want this lil shits picture anywhere on my site...if you're curious, google him.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Hey Tokyo....Are ya'll for realz????

This may be old news to some of you nerdz, but your girl doesn't get out much. There is a fad in Tokyo called the Bagel Head, I guess it's been around for a year or so. Anyways, please try not to projectile vomit on your neighbor....

A Bagel Head is someone who injects their forehead with saline while they depress the center of their forehead. The saline slowly drips in for two hours and will form the shape of a bagel. Your head bagels can even be shaded blue or green with food coloring and molded into any shape. This fine young man in the photo above wanted a perfect replica of his ass on his forehead. These saline injections aren't permanent and only last for 24 hours. So far everyone who has created this look has had no adverse affects and their skin has returned back to normal the next day...if you ask me I think stretching out your forehead would eventually cause premature wrinkles....yuk!

Question for the crazies out there....Will Lady CaCa try to take the credit for this fad, I mean she did start the whole bone prosthetic movement...fortunately Gaga, no one was Born This Way!

Lesson Of The Day: Foreign objects should NOT be injected into the body.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hatin On Off Leash Dogs...

I saw the most horrific thing this weekend ya'll and it not only saddens me, but pisses me the frig off. I was at the park and it is an ON LEASH park. I was sittin there with my friend, Pissa Pants, enjoyin some creamed ice. This couple walked by with their pit bull and it was right by there side and whenever a dog would come near they would jerk on the leash to keep the dog in check. It even had a choke collar on.

MINUTES LATER: This lady runs by us yelling, "My Baby, My Baby". This guy starts runnin saying that someone is stealin him. My friend and I are lookin around confused. This lady drops to her knees in front of us grasping the air screaming "My Baby". We asked her what was wrong and she got up and took off runnin. So what do me and Pissa Pants do...we get up and follow. I thought that someone stole this ladys kid. I'm thinkin, beyotch stand up and go get yo damn babe. As we got closer, it then seemed like someone stole her dog (obv no one spoke very good english). There was a swarm of people surrounding an SUV. Whose SUV do you ask...the pit bull owners. Apparently, the pit bull attacked the ladies lil shit...zu. We decided to wait and gawk cause the cops were called and a fire truck came (I love a man in uniform). The lady's friend walked up with the lil dog and one of its eyes was missing and bloody and the other one must have been punctured cause it was there but also covered in blood.

The cops were questioning each party and everyone was of course being rude to the pitbull people. There were even people calling their lawyers to defend the Shit's owners. Now me being the super observant person I am noticed the lil dog had no collar, leash, or harness on. When your dog gets attacked the last thing you would think of is to take the damn collar off. I would bet anyone $100 that that dog ran up to the Pit Bull. It's an ON LEASH park bitches, technically that's what you get.

I do believe it was HORRIBLE for the Pitties parents to run away, especially cause they had an 8 year old son with them. So that's perfect, teach your damn lil hoodlum to run instead of takin responsibility for your actions. I did not stay for the outcome, but unfortunately I am afraid the Pit Bull will probably be put to sleep even though I KNOW those people had that dog in check. They couldn't help some idiot didn't follow the On Leash rule.

Lesson Of The Day: Dogs are unpredictable, it's called "On Leash Dog Area" for a reason. Also, when a dog seems aggressive, or you did not ask for permission...DO NOT think it is ok for your mutt to come sniff mine!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Hatin On...Feelings?

Not to make light of drug addicts ya'll, but I imagine this is why they start using....for some reason the past two days I have been in a really tired, pissy and sad mood. I have no idea why either! Work is the same, family is still good, I have money, I get sleep, and I'm being healthy. Hell, my ass is even on week two of working out. Isn't working out supposed to release some damn endorphins and make you happy? Well my endorphins aren't working cause I am as pissed as ever!

Somebody give me a damn cheesecake so I can energize this body!

Lesson Of The Day: Maybe masking our feelins will help us to get more things accomplished...ask me tomorrow if that works!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Hatin On...WHAT???...Pejazzle???

I'm sure by now ya'll are wonderin what the funk is Pejazzle?!?!? Well if you recall a few posts ago, your girl wrote bout a lil thing called vajazzlin...ring a bell? If not here is your quick's a vajayjay that has been bedazzled.

*side note* what is up with me usin "..." every few words...odd...

Anywayz, Pejazzle is when a dude bedazzles his penis. You can even buy "do-it-yourself" kits online. Now if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend that is as talented as your girl Harl, I am sure your weazle would be the prettiest on the block. Question for any Pejazzle gurus out you decorate it hard or soft. If hard, then when you go soft do the jewels fall off? Is the glue painful to men, cause if so I'd like to use a tube on my ex!

:Sigh: what is this world comin to that I enjoy writin about pejazzling and vajazzling...or better yet, who the hell invents this stuff. I guess instead of McD's or dreams of Starbucks, I should look forward to openin my own "Jazzlin" Boutique!

Lesson Of The Day: Men everywhere, please head to a boutique and Pejazzle your genitalia, penis, schlong, gristle missile, johnson, hot dog, piss pump, trouser trout, john thomas, pork sword, willy, wee wee...whatever you call it, I want to see it sparkle!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Hatin On The Bachelorette...Ashley!

Dang ya'll...I was watching the Bachelorette last night and that chick Ashley gets on my damn nerves. First of all, has anyone noticed how she messes with her bangs ALL the time, must be an insecurity tick.

I didn't think the bitch could get any more annoyin until last nights episode. Homegirl sent a sweet arse guy home, what was his name...Ben C.? Anyways, she sent this dude home because Will told her Ben was talkin about dating sites. In the middle of the date she took William's word for it and just gave Ben the boot without hearing his side of the story first. Not tell me this Ashley, why on earth would you listen to a guy you just met who is trying to be the last one standing when you wouldn't listen to your friend Michelle about Bentley. You didn't take your girlfriends advice, but you tooks some jealous are stupid!

At the group date you said you just wanted the guys to have fun and were hoping no one would get hurt....uh then why would you set up a date where they had to fight. They are dudes who obviously want to out shine one another, OBVIOUSLY someone will get hurt. How come every group date there is drama....oh yea, because you are an attention whore who is too insecure to just have fun. You have to always be in the corner crying or upset over Bentley in order to get attention.

The preview for next week looked pretty crazy, why the hell would you bring Bentley back. Of course you don't see his rude interviews but it's not like he treated you THAT great, and he is fugly. The other guys are wayyy hotter. How could you be in this deep with him after only a couple weeks. Listen to Chris Harrison as he tells you NUMEROUS times to get over it...I don't even think he likes your ass. I hope guys leave the show next week, cause you are not worth their time!

The only one I think you deserve is William or Bentley cause all the other guys are too good for your lame ass. You may not be able to compare to Emily as far as looks, but she would've been like watching paint dry. Now don't get cocky because you are boring as hell with all your drama and insecurities. Don't get me started on your HORRIBLE dance moves, come see Harlem so I can show you how it's done.

Lesson Of The Day: ABC should've chosen Chantal, she would've actually made me like the show....I hope they pick good guys for The Bachelor Pad!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Hatin On Buzz...

OMG ya'll did I do some major partyin last better damn believe it! I will have to say I hate my friend Buzz, the friend that clouds my judgement after I've had a few too many tequila shots. He may be fun, but is the only person that gets me to do some crazy arse shiz. For example, talkin at an octave that only Mariah Carey can hit. I become a lover when drunk, worse then Casanova. I hug and confess my love for everyone, even the ole pervy guys that walk into McD's...which still leaves the question, how'd they get to my neighborhood bar??? When Buzz visits my brain I manage to spend so much money. The next day I can't even remember how many drinks I bought, but my bank account won't stop screamin about the $400 I just spent!

When talking to peeps I remind myself constantly to focus on what they are saying, look them straight in the eyes (to hide the glaze that covers mine), and above all DO NOT slur your words. When I constantly remind myself of those things I forget to listen to what they are saying. Which makes me look away from their eyes to try and remember what they said. Which in turn makes my words jumbled because I am afraid they will think it's all because I'm drunk, when the real reason is I just wasn't paying attention in the first place! :sigh: I'm out of breath!

When Buzz visits I can't walk straight. I tried takin Doogie Howler and Liberty Bell out to the bathroom when I got home. I should've taken the elevator, but my mind told me the stairs were faster...bad idea! I was bounchin from wall to wall in the stairwell. Since I was carryin Doogie Howler I was tryin not to fall flat on my face, but I couldn't even feel the steps on my damn feet! Then when I finally went to sleep I woke up the next mornin and had no idea how I got into my PJs, how I set my alarm, and how I ate a half a bag of Doritos. I won't even mention all of the drunk texts/calls that were made! I mean for realz ya'll, Buzz makes me crazy!

For your enjoyment I have posted some drunk texts from other sorry losers when Buzz visited them. (See below).

Lesson Of The Day: Be cautious of Buzz, he's a back stabber!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hatin On Courthouses...

UGH ya'll...I had to go to the damn courthouse today to pay a damn ticket. First of all, I get there and there are ten huge arse buildins and I have no idea which one I go to. I even looked at their directory and it said nothin bout traffic tickets. So I decided to stand in the longest line which happened to be outside of the Municipal Courthouse. There were 50 people in line in front of me. After 45 minutes I finally arrive to security and when I walked through the cop asked me if I had a flashlight in my purse. Of course I did, but he had to be nosey and made me show him what it looked like. Thank gawd I was smart enough to take my Gat outta my purse cause they prolly woulda cuffed me for that...although if he looked anything like this picture I would've wanted to be handcuffed, frisked, and gagged.

After security I decided to look at another directory to find out where the traffic ticket people go...there was nothing on the directory ya'll. I was so lost so I decided to go up every floor until I found the correct one. Thankfully it was on the second floor. Again I have to wait in another line for an hour. I was so scared to. There were all these people surrounding me that looked really sketchy. There were these three guys and a girl behind me talkin about all of the fights they've been in. I swear I saw the one guy on an episode of Lock Up. I paid the ticket and ran outta the damn courthouse and never want to look back.

Lesson Of The Day: Goin to the courthouse is like bein in jail, you're stuck there for hours amongst criminals!

Side note: There is this lotion called "stress relief" from Bath & Body Works. I swear they put drugs in it ya'll cause every time I wear it I get happy and giggly. One of the ingredients is Eucalyptus Oil, but I think it's Marijuana Oil.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hatin On Teen Wolf...

WOW, your girl is happy today ya'll. My visitor count on this damn blog has doubled in the past four days and I haven't even blogged regularly! It must be because of my last blog on vajazzling, hahah you lil pervs...maybe I'll just turn this into a damn porn blog.

Now down to I am hatin on Teen Wolf. MTV created this remake, and it is horrible. I don't know why I even tuned in considerin that it would be obvious that MTV couldn't produce a good scripted, drama TV show. They need to stick with what they know...trashy reality shows. Teen Wolf did get me interested when I heard that Colton Haynes and Tyler Hoechlin were goin to be in it. But alas, my poor future boy toys can't even salvage this train wreck. Whoever had the idea of hirin the Maid In Manhattan kid (Tyler Posey) as lead should really be fired. He has got to be the worst actor...well maybe that chick Crystal Reed would beat him because she sucks balls, maybe she sucks his balls. I guess that's the reason I've never heard of her and barely have heard of him is because they are horrible. When he transforms his face is the shape of a damn Guinea Pig!

Lesson Of The Day: Hey Hollywood, how bout we stop with the damn remakes cause ya'll DO NOT do them justice. Please petition for the Annie remake to be canned, we do not need anymore remakes with the damn Smith brats...Karate Kid, major fail. Need I say more?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Hatin On Hooha's...

As if being a woman wasn't bad enough with the waxin and trimmin, but now we have style options for our Hooha's??? This is most likely old news to ya'll, but my girl Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the George Lopez show a while back talkin about her bedazzled vajayjay. So apparently you glue rhinestones on your skin above and around your damn girly bit...hence the word vajazzle. I don't know about you all, but it sounds painful. What happens when your clothes rub on it? What if you're doin the nasty and the skin to skin friction rips these tiny stones off your sensitive region and now you're bleedin all over your damn sheets? Call me old school, but I cannot keep up with the new vagina technologies. Gina styles are released just as often as iphones....every few months. So now our buffet of options consist of Au Natural, Bikini Line, Landing Strip, Playboy (all off with a diamante design), The Triangle, The Moustache, The Heart, Brazilian, you can even choose to have your booty hole bleached, and now our new favorite....vajazzle.

Lesson Of The Day: Abstinence makes for happy bushes.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Hatin On Funk...

OMG ya'll I bout barfed everywhere this evenin. I was out walkin Doogie Howler and Liberty Bell. We were headin inside when Liberty Bell snatched a piece if funk off the sidewalk. Normally she'll grab gum, but this was definitely not gum. It could've been a human finger for all I knew. I was just going to let her eat it until I noticed she was havin trouble chewin it. So what did your girl do....the unthinkable! I reached my fore finger and thumb into lil Liberty's mouth and snatch the Funk. It was dark red like an asian chili pepper and was squishy. When I threw it into the road I started to gag. Then I looked down at my fingers and they were covered in orange jelly-goo. Thank gawd I hadn't eaten dinner cause I was gaggin like crazy. My neighbors were standin on their balcony lookin down at me laughin...remind me to egg their house later. So this whole time I am choking and gasping for air Liberty Bell is just standin there lookin up at me, waggin her damn tail. She's lucky I love her cause I was bout to take her arse back to the damn pound.

Lesson Of The Day: If your dog grabs something outside, just let em eat it...for hygiene sake, it's much cleaner that way.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Hatin On Bein Frozen...

Ya'll McD's is a big company, am I wrong? So why the hell do our damn computers freeze every day? I mean wouldn't you think they could afford some updated systems that would actually work. My damn drive thru line was packed down the damn street this morning cause I was writing everythin with a damn pencil and paper like in the oldie days. UGH, frustrated is puttin it mildly. Thank Gawd for a three day weekend, sorry for the suckers at D's that still have to work the pits.

Lesson Of The Day: Don't be cheap, buy some technology that actually works!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Hatin On Birthdays...

Damn ya'll, your girl is bout to turn another year older. I swear I saw a gray hair on my damn head this mornin. Anyways, I've been schedulin a birthday festival for myself, and this shiz is hard. Not only do I have to get all my girlz together on the same weekend, but my arse has gots to plan this whole damn thing. Every year I like to do somethin unique so we can all get out and let loose, shake a lil booty and get a lil tail. So this year I decided...


I almost decided to do nothin this year, but fell to the liquor temptations and dreams of men. I finally scheduled the weekend, which unfortunately leaves one of my besties shall be missed Kitty Vu. NOW I am limited in choosin a damn hotel. It can't be too expensive, it can't be too cheap cause then we'll get infested with bed bugs, and it has to be near the Gas Light District so we can club till our hearts desire. The most important thing is a pet friendly hotel so I can bring along Doogie Howler and my newest addition, Liberty Bell. So has your girl gotten a hotel....nope, can't check that off the list.

There is also the side "projects" that I need to schedule. Like what the hell are we gonna do durin the damn day? I mean your girl is a bikini beauty and all, but damn I can't just sit by a damn pool all day, I gots to show my face around town. Of course, the day activity has to be cheap. Guess that means no spa treatment where my naked body is lathered in mud by two men in thongs while bein fed wine and crackers by two more men wearin nothin but flip flops. Can't check any of that off of my list either.

All of this leaves me completely bummed bout my bday weekend and exhausted from thinkin bout my "not even close to completed" to-do list.

Lesson Of The Day: I hear San Diego is littered with Army/Navy Men, if I put them on my To-Do list maybe I will feel motivated to get things accomplished!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hatin On Dream Crushers...

Against my better judgement I went to Starbucks today ya'll, the place where dreams are made. Unfortunately it just made me re-realize how much of a Dream Crusher these bastards are. I mean for real ya'll, they turned me down for a job when they got a bunch of Mo's workin the coffee machines. The line was out the damn door and took me 20 mins just for them to take my damn order. I ordered a Veinte, decaf vanilla latte, with an extra shot, and three pumps of vanilla. Those bitches gave my nonfat milk....are they tryin to hint at something??? It was like drinkin watered down coffee. I also ordered a sausage sandwich...nowhere in that order did I say I wanted my sandwich cold. For real ya'll I swear they just ripped that shiz outta the damn freezer. Again, these arrogant arses thought they were too good to have my big, boned, beautiful body grace their presence every day??? I guarantee my mind is ten times smarter than theirs! And to think they weren't even gonna call me, I had to waltz in and ask about my damn application....the nerve!

Lesson Of The Day: If you wanna be a barista, stick to McD's...their coffee is ten times better!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Hatin On Blind Friends...

Sunday of this weekend sucked ya'll. First of all, I got a damn text earlier in the week from this boy I used to babysits mom. She wanted to get together to see Bridesmaids and get some Lunchie. I reluctantly accepted considerin I haven't seen them in ages, but would've really rather stayed at home. So Sunday arrives....

I get to their house and am told that Clark is meetin us there. A lil background on this hoe...When I was considerin quittin McD's to become a famous barista, the boy's momma emailed me with this Clark hoe CC'd. She was introducin us and sayin how Clark would be brilliant for my job replacement. First of all ya'll, this lady said nothin to me about this, just took it upon herself to hook me up with this hoe to get her a job...MY job. Anyways, so that's Clark and she's been pushin this whore down my throat ever since about how we're so alike and could be the best of friends.

So now we are in the damn car headin to the movies and I am told that another family and their two damn rugrats are joinin as well...they obviously don't realize I hate kids. At the movie theatre they stick me in a seat next to the other family's father and guess who....CLARK! After the movie the momma says "hey, you know how to get to lunch, so you ride with Clark and show her the way". Seriously ya'll, they are lucky I'm not rude cause I would've started walkin home. I rode with this chick makin small talk and she was all up in my biz and then tryin to pretend like she knew everything about the damn food industry. Dude you work at a gas station, you know nothin about the food industry hoe, so shut yo damn mouth! Lunch was awkward like the rest of the day, and I barely spoke the whole time, which was really to benefit them. That day reminded me of a blind date that your friends really push to set up...except...this was a blind friend set up...noooo thank you, I am fine with my 5 close friends.

Lesson Of The Day: It's better to have 5 best friends, than 100 acquaintances.

Side Note: The Bachelorette started last night, and as much as I can't stand Ashley...I am looking forward to all of the dramz, like the D. Bag that manipulates her but really was hopin she was Emily, HAHAHAHA! I have to finish watchin it on my DVR, and will possibly update ya'll later.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Hatin on Newbs...

Hey ya'll, I know your girl has been M.I.A again. I don't know how ya'll do this bloggin thing every day. I mean for realz, I can barely find time to take a dump let alone sit here and type. Anyways, so this time the reason I've been missin is cause of a Newb. I mean for real ya'll, I been trainin this chick for a whole week at McD's. It's been hell...a constant shadow. The grease pit is small enough with my fat arse, but then you squish one more person in there like your at a damn concert and can't move, think, or breathe. I got so damn fed up I sent that beyotch outside to clean the damn sidewalk. Then I made her take out ALL of the trashes, hell I even made her dust the damn cash register one day when I was workin the drive-thru. Thank gawd today is her last day of trainin so I can be a lone spirit once again.

Lesson Of The Day: Ask for a different trainer if you're assigned one named Harlem.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Hatin On Loud Brats...

And people wonder why Ima child hata....I went to a new church on Sunday. This place was so huge and confusin, so your girl just hopped into the first door I came across. Apparently it must've been the kiddie section cause I was surrounded. Since I arrived late I decided to suck it up and just sit there anyways. Plus, the rugrats around me were being quiet with the exception of an occasional wimper. About half way through the sermon I thought a hurricane was comin. It sounded like thunder and then the side door flung open. In runs these four lil terrors. They must've though they were on a damn playground because they were playin tag in the church! A hot minute later rushes in two frazzled parents holdin two more babes. I mean seriously ya'll, this lady popped out six brats! The whole service the dad had to chase them all around and then he would take them outside to talk to Maybe that's the problem, had they been given proper whippens maybe they would've been behavin like the pleasant children around them. Throughout the service I found myself prayin to have patience cause I was bout to go ape shiz on these kids!

Haley Reinhart from American Idol must've been one of those lil brats when she was younger, cause homegirl has a major tude. This week on American Idol I wanted to slap her upside her damn head. She was such a bitch to Randy when he was giving her constructive criticism. Homegirl, if you can't take the heat then find a new career. You are a nobody and will have a very short career with that attitude. J-Lo and Steven Tyler will not always be there to defend you. You're lucky me and Simon weren't your judge cause we would've given you a verbal beat down that would've left you emotionally unstable. Lucky for you James Durbin went home, but you deserved to...Hollywood does not need any more divas.

Lesson Of The Day: Watch the attitude because you won't be so lucky next time.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Hatin on PepBoys...

After my dreams of becoming a Starbucks barista flew out the window, I decided to stay at the grease pits. This gave Momma Hater and I the perfect opportunity to stroll about town causin trouble. One annoying errand we did have to fix, was my damn car. I needed new tires, new brakes, and my damn air conditionin fixed. I went to Pep Boys and those bitches were so rude. They called me up tryin to nickle and dime me for everything. When I told the guy I wanted to pick up my car, he said, "we've already put the new tires on". I said, "you mean to tell me you don't know how to take em off?" That dude had given me so much damn tude that I was fed up. He had no idea who he was messin with. So he huffed and puffed on the phone like a lil gurl. Seriously, what ever happened to customer service ya'll? I picked up my car and headed to Just Tires where they gave me new tires for $30 cheaper then Pep Boys, not to mention the guy who helped me was hot as hell! His name was Antoine and man he was gorgeous, way to go Just Tires! Then I headed next door to get my brakes replaced which was $100 cheaper then Pep Boys, can you believe that?? After the brakes, momma and I took the car down the street to a small independent shop that fixed air conditioners. See my air worked, but only on high. So Pep Boys said it was in the electrical work in the controls and they were gonna charge me $300. Poppa Hater said, "Gurl that air problem is just the rheostat". Guess who was right...Poppa. The independent guy new instantly it was the rheostat. To check the car, plus part, plus labor it was a total of $135. Needless to say, your girl will not be going to Pep Boys ever again. They are damn thieves!

Side Note: I had decided not to comment on Idol considerin they all suck and there is no one I am rooting for anymore. I actually didn't even finish watching Wednesdays much for a season of the "best singers"ever in Idol history, yuck! The one thing I will say is Thank the Lord Jacob is off! Can I get an amen honey??

Lesson Of The Day: Give the small business owners yo damn business because they will beat the chain prices any day!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


WTF Jacob Lusk, damn dude did you think the Idol stage was a strip club? What the hell is up with all the pelvic thrusts, and cheerleader moves? What drugs you been smokin, cause you were way too amped up for that lame ass performance. Show me your spirit fingers gurl!

Lesson Of The Day: When you have nothing nice to say, walk away....tonight I am walking away to comment on the rest tomorrow morning cause this is NOT gonna be pretty.

Show me your high kick Jakie! One Two.....

Friday, April 29, 2011

American Idol Update...

AMERICA, What the H are you thinkin??? You got rid of Casey Abrams to keep that nasty ass honey badger, Jacob Lusk??? Am I being punked??? No wonder America is going to hell, the people are a bunch of damn idiots!

Lesson Of The Day: Next thing you know, Scotty McCreery will be President...couldn't get any worse, the U.S is already run by an illegal moron.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hatin On American Idol - Six Contestants Left

I know ya'll missed me last week, but the female Simon is back better then ever!

Jacob Lusk: Where to begin...As usual your screamin, facial expressions, and bow tie remind me of a corny drama queen. For your safety and mine, please stop dancin, you're gonna kill somebody! Steven told you to strut...well you did, like a hen struts for a rooster.

Lauren Alaina: Girl, please find a new idol that actually knows how to sing and doesn't toke the bong. Miley Cyrus is not someone I would ever admit likin. Why did you bring that poor boy on stage to just leave him for five minutes to walk around. Bad Call. Baby girl, you need to hold your high note louder and longer. You sounded way better in your duet with Scotty than solo.

Scotty McCreery: This is the first time I've actually thought you were decent. You toned down your facial expressions, hell you even tried to sing directly into the mic instead of outta the corner of your damn mouth. I hate the twang in your voice, but you were wayyy less annoying.

James Durbin: The beginning was great until you started sneakin those damn screams in. Dude not every song needs to have spasms of screaming...face it, you will never be Adam Lambert, so stop while you're ahead! You are so obnoxious, can you not pick up on Ryan tellin you to unplug your damn guitar? But noooo, you purposefully plug the damn wire back in. Your attitude will bury you.

Casey Abrams: Amazin, but when you really sing it sounds a lot better than the yellin/growlin. FYI, see how datin Haley has made a name for yourself???? Just imagine what it would do for your career if you got her preggers! I saw you makin google eyes at her son...remember to put a raincoat on junior.

Haley Reinhart: I hate that song!

Lesson Of The Day: This is not the J-Lo Show...girl let Randy talk, damn you bossy!

Hatin On Glee...

Hey Bitches, bet ya'll thought I fell off the face of the damn planet again eh??? Well wipe those tears cause I'm not goin anywhere! Actually, Mama Hater is here and we've been busy partyin on the boulevard.

Anyways, I have decided to give up on Glee. What the hell are these people thinkin with the direction of this show??? This show used to be original and hilar, but now they've decided to take it in another direction....It shouldn't be called Glee because it's now the Kurt Show. Season one was brilliant with the Kurt storyline. They introduced him as a gay man and showed the difficulties he faced in high school. They incorporated that in with the other characters so you got to know everyone and their was a whole array of stories going on in each episode. Lets be honest, everyone has difficulties in high school, thank god for the Lauren Zises and Ms. Pillsbury storyline!

It's now All Kurt All the time. He sings numerous long boring ass songs, and is in the fore front of every episode. Last nights ballad he sang made me want to painfully rip my damn ear drums out of my head...I had to fast forward. THEN he showed up at the mall with some corny ass dance moves and that made me want to scoop my eye balls out of my damn head! Come on Ryan Murphy, what about Sam who has a wayy better voice, and Mercedes??? Stop shovin Kurt in everyone's faces! Dude, nothin against Chris Colfer, but I am sooo over him! He is not nearly as good as the other actors at singing, or acting. I'm havin Kurt overload! I will not be watching Glee any longer, it is goin in the wrong direction. Hey, I have an idea...get rid of Kurt and bring Blaine and Santana to the front of that storyline, now that is a good idea!

Lesson Of The Day: Kings Of Leon may have had some reason to their madness when dissin Glee! Don't fall to temptation guys, stay away from this trainwreck!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hatin On Dancing With The Stars Week 5...

What the H is up with "America" week on Dancing With The Not-So-Famous Stars? The dance styles did not go well with the songs, and the band singing them sounded horribly pitchy! The lady singing America The Beautiful during Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burkes dance completely butchered that song. All of the runs she was putting throughout the song and making her voice shake just killed it and not in a good way. Kirstie Alley and Max, I hate to say guys blew it. I love you two and am your biggest supporter, but this week was a disappointment. Baby girl, your facial expressions were excruciating to watch. The skit with John Travolta was awesome though, he was so hilarious! Homeboy must have gone some hair crops cause he was lookin harier then usual.

Lesson Of The Day: If you missed DWTS Monday feel lucky, you saved your ear drums!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Hatin On Unknown...

OMG ya'll, I wasted 1 hr. and 49 mins of my life Sunday! Actually, considering that I slept through 49 minutes of the movie, I probably really only lost an hour of conscious living. Anyways, I saw the movie Unknown on Sunday night. Thank God it was a $3 movie theatre because what a waste of money! This movie is about a dude that gets into a damn car accident and then thinks that someone else stole his damn identity. Basically he turns out to be part of this assassins group where they are hired to kill people, so they take on these fake identities. So the person he thought he really was, was actually a fake. He had originally been hired to kill the guy that discovered a way to farm corn in all environments. Seriously ya'll, this wasn't about money, it was about damn corn! One word pops into my head...stupid!

January Jones, girl, please go back to acting school. Your actin skills are ranked up there with Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus. Since Mad Men is gettin rid of some characters this season, I think they should drop your ass!

Lesson of the day: If you need to catch some zzzz's, go see will sleep like a baby!

Friday, April 15, 2011

American Idol update....

As I'm sure all of you have heard, Old McDonald got voted off of Idol last night. At least he has that hoe Nikki Reed from Twilight to pay his rent now. Dude, ain't nothin wrong with a Suga Momma.

Stefano you best be thankin yo lucky stars son, cause someone saved your dirty ass.

Lesson of the Day: If you get the boot, make sure you have a rich bitch to pick up your tab!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hatin on American Idol 4/13/2011

The female Simon strikes again, see my comments on the contestants performances from last night (4/13).

Casey Abrams - I hate to say it son, but last night sucked. You should've listened to Jimmy Lovine my friend. The original song you chose sounded amazing during your time with Jimmy, what the F were you thinkin changin it. I love that song you sang last night, but you ruined it for me. The judges must be deaf to give you a damn standing ovation. I did notice your beard was shorter, thanks for takin my advice. Now shave the damn thing all the way off, before I start callin you Peach Fuzz.

Haley Reinhart - That's the best you've sounded, thank god you didn't do all that damn growling. That last note at the end pierced my ears though. Please stop screamin during fast songs, you are bustin all the windows in my damn house!

Jacob Lusk - I have nothing else to say to you, except that I hope you get voted off next!

James Durbin - First of all my friend, who the hell do you think you are? I see why you didn't want to listen to Jimmy, but what's with the attitude. You are a nobody...actually you are asshole! I wouldn't be surprised if you are in the bottom three because of your superior attitude. Who the hell are you to tell Jimmy Lovine that he couldn't recognize a hit when it's just on a piano. I'm surprised he didn't F you up right then. You are going to burn major bridges with that tude. The judges should be ashamed for not tellin you to keep that in check. I hope your ass gets voted off because America does not need another Diva celebrity.

Lauren Alaina - Love you girl, but I know you got more power then that. Obviously you are better then Miley Cyrus, because she not only sucks on salvia pipes, but at singing as well. Step it up a notch sweetheart and give the other contestants a run for their money.

Paul McDonald - *sigh* Poor Old McDonald, you are gettin boring my friend. I used to root for you, but now you just remind me of something my parents would listen to....not my cup of tea at all. You remind me of a cruise ship singer.

Scotty McCreery - You managed to make the movie Pure Country and George Strait not sexy anymore. Now every time I hear that amazing song I will have nightmares of you ugly ass facial expressions attacking me. NASTY!

Stefano Langone - Way better this week brother. You sang for your life. Unfortunately I don't like the kind of music you sing, the R&Bish sounding music. BUT, for what it was, wayyy better. I still think this might be your week to go though, even though Jacob or James should leave first!

Lesson of the Day: No One deserves to win Idol, at least not yet...please prove me wrong.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Hatin on Dancing With The Stars

Against my better judgement I tuned into Dancing With The Stars last night. I mean for realz ya'll, what the hell was I thinkin! First of all, the only one worth tunin in for is Kirstie Alley. That big boned beautiful woman is my idol, she looks like your girl Harl. Plus with the bad luck she's had the last two weeks she always maintains a happy attitude!

What did that chick Kendra not bitch about last night? First it was the music, she hates classical music...but I guess you shouldn't expect much more from a failed Playboy model. That girl sucked so hard you would've thought she was back at the Playboy Mansion. When the judges were critiquing her she kept getting all huffy and was in that diva defensive stance. When Bruno was tellin her how bad she was and pushin her to do better she made a comment about only havin 4 days to work on the routine. Bitch please...EVERYONE only had 4 days which is a total of 96 hours, sounds like a lot to me! How bout you shut the hell up and work harder! Len (the old man) kept giving her credit for being a beginner to which Kendra replied "THANK YOU, I appreciate that". I mean even her tone of voice was bitchy, in other words hinting at Bruno that he was wrong. Too bad we can't get a plastic surgeon to come in and perk up her attitude the way they did her massive boobs. Girlfriend looks like she's bout to fall over from bein so damn top heavy!

Lesson Of The Day: Attitude ain't gonna get you points bitch. Go back to Hef....wait a minute, he doesn't even want your stank ass...poor Hank! Go Kirstie and Max!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Hatin On Letters

Well it's about time to move to the land of Oranges ya'll. I gotsta get outta this grease pit and move on to bigger and brighter pastures...Starbucks. My dream is to become a damn Starbucks barista. I will secretly admit that their coffee is not nearly as good as McD's, but I guess I will have to suck it up if I'm to become a famous barista. Anyways, as much as a despise the pits I have decided to bow out gracefully and professionally. The problem is I have no idea how to write a damn resignation letter. I've been googlin it like crazy and all I can find are these really formal ones. My boss and I are on a first name basis, so it would be extremely weird if all of a sudden I started writin "Mrs." or "Mr.". Below is an informal letter I found online, do you think this would be good enough to submit, or does it look like somethin you'd write in elementary school?

Dear (manager name),

I am writing you to officially tender my resignation from (company name) effective (last day of work). Working for (company name) has been a wonderful experience. I could not ask for a better group of colleagues. I have grown in many ways here and will always treasure the opportunities provided for me by (company name).

I will be relocating to (place) to pursue a new endeavor. While I will miss my friends here at (company name), I feel that it is time for a new challenge and experience. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

Best Wishes,

(your name)

Let me know your thoughts ya'll! Tomorrow is Idol night, so you better believe there will be some major hatin to do on Wednesday just fuels my hate fire!

Lesson of the Day: If you walk into Starbuck and see your girl Harl, make sure to keep your order simple. I don't want none of that fancy bullshiz. Thank you and "Welcome to Starbucks"!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Hatin on Aubrey O'Day

Last night I was watching the Aubrey O'Day Project on the Oxygen channel and just can't believe how ugly she's gotten. For the ones who don't know she used to be in that girls band Danity Kane, but P.Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean Combs (whatever the hell his name is now) kicked her out. Anyways, her new show The Aubrey O'Day Project has just started up and it's a major trainwreck. I guess that's a good thing because that's the only reason your girl watches is it. During Danity Kane she started out naturally beautiful, but now she is startin to look like the damn cat lady. That's the problem with Hollywood, they are all too wrapped up in being the perfect mannequin that they usually end up uglier then they were in the beginning. Girlfriend wears way too much makeup and her teets are so large now they are suffocating her.

Lesson Of The Day: Sue your plastic surgeon cause you look fugged up.

Friday, April 8, 2011

American Idol Update

To hate or not to hate, that is the question.....hahah who am I kidding, hate on people!!!

As many of you may have heard Pia Toscano a.k.a SNOOZEFEST has been kicked off American Idol. Thank You America, you have now made Idol somewhat interesting. The look on Jennifer Lopez's face was priceless, so worth it!

Lesson Of The Day: Maybe Idol is worth watchin after all. Is it sad that I take pleasure in others tears??

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Hatin on American Idol

Hey ya'll, so as you know I have been M.I.A for a few months and that is contributing why this post is coming so late since Idol is already down to nine (although one is leavin tonight). Anyways, I am back and louder than ever so put your boxin gloves on J-Hoe cause I am comin after you.

The beginnin of the season started off with a bang. Steven Tyler was the only reason I watched because god only knew what that dude was gonna say. Unfortunately Idol has told him to tone it down, and we don't hear much from Tyler these days except for him telling every contestant that they blew him is that possible considering most nights I fast forward through their lackluster performances. There was hope that Randy Jackson would be the new Simon as he started out being brutally honest during auditions, but Jennifer Lopez made it impossible for him to speak. Any time he disagreed with her she would cut him off by sayin "shush" or talking over him with how great the person was. Sometimes she would give a fake tear or claim to have "goose pimples". News flash beyotch, you may be able to be a Diva to your damn assistant, but back the F off and let someone else talk. No wonder you married Mark Anthony, if he ever gets out of hand you can squish him like the untalented bug that he is. It's so annoying that the judges never have anything negative to say, so today....I am the new Simon Cowell and am going to be brutally honest about the remaining goes:

Pia Toscano- amazing voice, but damn girl how many time we gotta tell you to pick up your damn feet and get into it. This walking and stopping bullshiz has gotta stop. Get down with your bad self.

Casey Abrams - very talented, but don't always act like a wounded puppy. Own it, and pleaseeee on behalf of all of the rotten food crumbs....shave the damn beard completely off, I promise you'll get more votes. I will even finally pick up the damn phone cause you are one of my favs.

James Durbin - Well this week you've toned down the screaming, so that's a plus. Unfortunately, you will never be as good as Adam Lambert. Please stop hammin it up for the cameras. Let Ryan do his job and get out of the damn way!

Scotty McCreery - Dude your facial expressions are killen me. And what the hell is up with singin and talkin out the side of yo damn mouth fool? You are not a ladies man and will never be Elvis. You only did Elvis justice last night because you sounded better then you have before, and that still isn't sayin much!

Paul McDonald - I love you Paul, you are one of my favs. I do feel like you've been slackin ever since you did Rod Stewart, lets bring back some of that! Quirky is in my friend!

Stefano Langone - A great improvement last night, but you still remind me of a cruise ship performer. I ain't got nothin against you son, but I think you will be leavin soon.

Jacob Lusk - What is this a damn cheerleading competition? Tone down the facials son! Your expressions are so hideous they give me nightmares. You over sing most of your songs. When you don't over sing a song you over dramatize the performance which takes away from your singing capabilities. You are creepy as shiz dude.

Haley Reinhart - You got a great voice girl, but cool it with the growling. It's great to do it at peak moments in a song, but last night was wayyyy too much. Your voice is amazing at the end of songs when you are softer and not tryin to be a lioness.

Lauren Alaina - Love you girl! You are my favorite of the girls. I love how you are country and rock and roll. The mixture is a great combination. I think you need to work on your self esteem. You are so beautiful and girlfriend I noticed you been losin weight. With a voice and looks like that you are goin places, so put some more pep back into that step!

Lesson Of The Day: Bring back Simon, we need more honesty because nice is boring!!!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Dang son the bitch is back! Boy do I have tons of hate to unleash. Lets start with Britney Spears. Your girl is not an avid fan of hers, but what the hell is the deal with everyone hatin on her dancin? She's released two music videos and done some live performances recently and everyone is talkin bout how her dancin sucks. Lets be honest...she is not nearly as good as she used to be, but the girl has popped out two babes and has turned the big 3-0. She still rocks it way harder then that joke of a performer Lady CaCa. I mean that bitch only became famous because she's so fuggin outrageous. I will admit, when the Lady Man started she did entertaining videos, but now she is just plain freaky. How is she considered a fashion icon when all she wears is a bra and panties? How could anyone think that she is fashionable when she slaughters cows just to wear them to awards shows? What about the time she wore red panty hose over her entire body and face? I don't even need to bring attention to that freakin egg she arrived in, lets be honest...she only showed up to the red carpet in that so she didn't have to talk to the media. You peeps are blind and stupid if you like that joke. Plus, her dancing is that of a beginner. Christina Aguilera could never dance either. Those two bitches had back up dancers that made them look bad! If I sucked that hardcore I would hire shitty dancers to make me look like I was as good as Britney is on a stiff day.

Lesson Of The Day: Stop saying Britney's dancing sucks when she is still wayyyy better then Lady CaCa and Christina Barfulara.