Friday, April 29, 2011

American Idol Update...

AMERICA, What the H are you thinkin??? You got rid of Casey Abrams to keep that nasty ass honey badger, Jacob Lusk??? Am I being punked??? No wonder America is going to hell, the people are a bunch of damn idiots!

Lesson Of The Day: Next thing you know, Scotty McCreery will be President...couldn't get any worse, the U.S is already run by an illegal moron.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hatin On American Idol - Six Contestants Left

I know ya'll missed me last week, but the female Simon is back better then ever!

Jacob Lusk: Where to begin...As usual your screamin, facial expressions, and bow tie remind me of a corny drama queen. For your safety and mine, please stop dancin, you're gonna kill somebody! Steven told you to strut...well you did, like a hen struts for a rooster.

Lauren Alaina: Girl, please find a new idol that actually knows how to sing and doesn't toke the bong. Miley Cyrus is not someone I would ever admit likin. Why did you bring that poor boy on stage to just leave him for five minutes to walk around. Bad Call. Baby girl, you need to hold your high note louder and longer. You sounded way better in your duet with Scotty than solo.

Scotty McCreery: This is the first time I've actually thought you were decent. You toned down your facial expressions, hell you even tried to sing directly into the mic instead of outta the corner of your damn mouth. I hate the twang in your voice, but you were wayyy less annoying.

James Durbin: The beginning was great until you started sneakin those damn screams in. Dude not every song needs to have spasms of screaming...face it, you will never be Adam Lambert, so stop while you're ahead! You are so obnoxious, can you not pick up on Ryan tellin you to unplug your damn guitar? But noooo, you purposefully plug the damn wire back in. Your attitude will bury you.

Casey Abrams: Amazin, but when you really sing it sounds a lot better than the yellin/growlin. FYI, see how datin Haley has made a name for yourself???? Just imagine what it would do for your career if you got her preggers! I saw you makin google eyes at her son...remember to put a raincoat on junior.

Haley Reinhart: I hate that song!

Lesson Of The Day: This is not the J-Lo Show...girl let Randy talk, damn you bossy!

Hatin On Glee...

Hey Bitches, bet ya'll thought I fell off the face of the damn planet again eh??? Well wipe those tears cause I'm not goin anywhere! Actually, Mama Hater is here and we've been busy partyin on the boulevard.


Anyways, I have decided to give up on Glee. What the hell are these people thinkin with the direction of this show??? This show used to be original and hilar, but now they've decided to take it in another direction....It shouldn't be called Glee because it's now the Kurt Show. Season one was brilliant with the Kurt storyline. They introduced him as a gay man and showed the difficulties he faced in high school. They incorporated that in with the other characters so you got to know everyone and their was a whole array of stories going on in each episode. Lets be honest, everyone has difficulties in high school, thank god for the Lauren Zises and Ms. Pillsbury storyline!


It's now All Kurt All the time. He sings numerous long boring ass songs, and is in the fore front of every episode. Last nights ballad he sang made me want to painfully rip my damn ear drums out of my head...I had to fast forward. THEN he showed up at the mall with some corny ass dance moves and that made me want to scoop my eye balls out of my damn head! Come on Ryan Murphy, what about Sam who has a wayy better voice, and Mercedes??? Stop shovin Kurt in everyone's faces! Dude, nothin against Chris Colfer, but I am sooo over him! He is not nearly as good as the other actors at singing, or acting. I'm havin Kurt overload! I will not be watching Glee any longer, it is goin in the wrong direction. Hey, I have an idea...get rid of Kurt and bring Blaine and Santana to the front of that storyline, now that is a good idea!

Lesson Of The Day: Kings Of Leon may have had some reason to their madness when dissin Glee! Don't fall to temptation guys, stay away from this trainwreck!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hatin On Dancing With The Stars Week 5...

What the H is up with "America" week on Dancing With The Not-So-Famous Stars? The dance styles did not go well with the songs, and the band singing them sounded horribly pitchy! The lady singing America The Beautiful during Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burkes dance completely butchered that song. All of the runs she was putting throughout the song and making her voice shake just killed it and not in a good way. Kirstie Alley and Max, I hate to say it...you guys blew it. I love you two and am your biggest supporter, but this week was a disappointment. Baby girl, your facial expressions were excruciating to watch. The skit with John Travolta was awesome though, he was so hilarious! Homeboy must have gone some hair crops cause he was lookin harier then usual.

Lesson Of The Day: If you missed DWTS Monday feel lucky, you saved your ear drums!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Hatin On Unknown...

OMG ya'll, I wasted 1 hr. and 49 mins of my life Sunday! Actually, considering that I slept through 49 minutes of the movie, I probably really only lost an hour of conscious living. Anyways, I saw the movie Unknown on Sunday night. Thank God it was a $3 movie theatre because what a waste of money! This movie is about a dude that gets into a damn car accident and then thinks that someone else stole his damn identity. Basically he turns out to be part of this assassins group where they are hired to kill people, so they take on these fake identities. So the person he thought he really was, was actually a fake. He had originally been hired to kill the guy that discovered a way to farm corn in all environments. Seriously ya'll, this wasn't about money, it was about damn corn! One word pops into my head...stupid!

January Jones, girl, please go back to acting school. Your actin skills are ranked up there with Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus. Since Mad Men is gettin rid of some characters this season, I think they should drop your ass!

Lesson of the day: If you need to catch some zzzz's, go see Unknown...you will sleep like a baby!

Friday, April 15, 2011

American Idol update....

As I'm sure all of you have heard, Old McDonald got voted off of Idol last night. At least he has that hoe Nikki Reed from Twilight to pay his rent now. Dude, ain't nothin wrong with a Suga Momma.

Stefano you best be thankin yo lucky stars son, cause someone saved your dirty ass.

Lesson of the Day: If you get the boot, make sure you have a rich bitch to pick up your tab!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hatin on American Idol 4/13/2011

The female Simon strikes again, see my comments on the contestants performances from last night (4/13).

Casey Abrams - I hate to say it son, but last night sucked. You should've listened to Jimmy Lovine my friend. The original song you chose sounded amazing during your time with Jimmy, what the F were you thinkin changin it. I love that song you sang last night, but you ruined it for me. The judges must be deaf to give you a damn standing ovation. I did notice your beard was shorter, thanks for takin my advice. Now shave the damn thing all the way off, before I start callin you Peach Fuzz.

Haley Reinhart - That's the best you've sounded, thank god you didn't do all that damn growling. That last note at the end pierced my ears though. Please stop screamin during fast songs, you are bustin all the windows in my damn house!

Jacob Lusk - I have nothing else to say to you, except that I hope you get voted off next!

James Durbin - First of all my friend, who the hell do you think you are? I see why you didn't want to listen to Jimmy, but what's with the attitude. You are a nobody...actually you are someone...an asshole! I wouldn't be surprised if you are in the bottom three because of your superior attitude. Who the hell are you to tell Jimmy Lovine that he couldn't recognize a hit when it's just on a piano. I'm surprised he didn't F you up right then. You are going to burn major bridges with that tude. The judges should be ashamed for not tellin you to keep that in check. I hope your ass gets voted off because America does not need another Diva celebrity.

Lauren Alaina - Love you girl, but I know you got more power then that. Obviously you are better then Miley Cyrus, because she not only sucks on salvia pipes, but at singing as well. Step it up a notch sweetheart and give the other contestants a run for their money.

Paul McDonald - *sigh* Poor Old McDonald, you are gettin boring my friend. I used to root for you, but now you just remind me of something my parents would listen to....not my cup of tea at all. You remind me of a cruise ship singer.

Scotty McCreery - You managed to make the movie Pure Country and George Strait not sexy anymore. Now every time I hear that amazing song I will have nightmares of you ugly ass facial expressions attacking me. NASTY!

Stefano Langone - Way better this week brother. You sang for your life. Unfortunately I don't like the kind of music you sing, the R&Bish sounding music. BUT, for what it was, wayyy better. I still think this might be your week to go though, even though Jacob or James should leave first!

Lesson of the Day: No One deserves to win Idol, at least not yet...please prove me wrong.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Hatin on Dancing With The Stars

Against my better judgement I tuned into Dancing With The Stars last night. I mean for realz ya'll, what the hell was I thinkin! First of all, the only one worth tunin in for is Kirstie Alley. That big boned beautiful woman is my idol, she looks like your girl Harl. Plus with the bad luck she's had the last two weeks she always maintains a happy attitude!

What did that chick Kendra not bitch about last night? First it was the music, she hates classical music...but I guess you shouldn't expect much more from a failed Playboy model. That girl sucked so hard you would've thought she was back at the Playboy Mansion. When the judges were critiquing her she kept getting all huffy and was in that diva defensive stance. When Bruno was tellin her how bad she was and pushin her to do better she made a comment about only havin 4 days to work on the routine. Bitch please...EVERYONE only had 4 days which is a total of 96 hours, sounds like a lot to me! How bout you shut the hell up and work harder! Len (the old man) kept giving her credit for being a beginner to which Kendra replied "THANK YOU, I appreciate that". I mean even her tone of voice was bitchy, in other words hinting at Bruno that he was wrong. Too bad we can't get a plastic surgeon to come in and perk up her attitude the way they did her massive boobs. Girlfriend looks like she's bout to fall over from bein so damn top heavy!

Lesson Of The Day: Attitude ain't gonna get you points bitch. Go back to Hef....wait a minute, he doesn't even want your stank ass...poor Hank! Go Kirstie and Max!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Hatin On Letters

Well it's about time to move to the land of Oranges ya'll. I gotsta get outta this grease pit and move on to bigger and brighter pastures...Starbucks. My dream is to become a damn Starbucks barista. I will secretly admit that their coffee is not nearly as good as McD's, but I guess I will have to suck it up if I'm to become a famous barista. Anyways, as much as a despise the pits I have decided to bow out gracefully and professionally. The problem is I have no idea how to write a damn resignation letter. I've been googlin it like crazy and all I can find are these really formal ones. My boss and I are on a first name basis, so it would be extremely weird if all of a sudden I started writin "Mrs." or "Mr.". Below is an informal letter I found online, do you think this would be good enough to submit, or does it look like somethin you'd write in elementary school?

Dear (manager name),

I am writing you to officially tender my resignation from (company name) effective (last day of work). Working for (company name) has been a wonderful experience. I could not ask for a better group of colleagues. I have grown in many ways here and will always treasure the opportunities provided for me by (company name).

I will be relocating to (place) to pursue a new endeavor. While I will miss my friends here at (company name), I feel that it is time for a new challenge and experience. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

Best Wishes,

(your name)

Let me know your thoughts ya'll! Tomorrow is Idol night, so you better believe there will be some major hatin to do on Wednesday mornin...it just fuels my hate fire!

Lesson of the Day: If you walk into Starbuck and see your girl Harl, make sure to keep your order simple. I don't want none of that fancy bullshiz. Thank you and "Welcome to Starbucks"!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Hatin on Aubrey O'Day

Last night I was watching the Aubrey O'Day Project on the Oxygen channel and just can't believe how ugly she's gotten. For the ones who don't know she used to be in that girls band Danity Kane, but P.Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean Combs (whatever the hell his name is now) kicked her out. Anyways, her new show The Aubrey O'Day Project has just started up and it's a major trainwreck. I guess that's a good thing because that's the only reason your girl watches is it. During Danity Kane she started out naturally beautiful, but now she is startin to look like the damn cat lady. That's the problem with Hollywood, they are all too wrapped up in being the perfect mannequin that they usually end up uglier then they were in the beginning. Girlfriend wears way too much makeup and her teets are so large now they are suffocating her.

Lesson Of The Day: Sue your plastic surgeon cause you look fugged up.

Friday, April 8, 2011

American Idol Update

To hate or not to hate, that is the question.....hahah who am I kidding, hate on people!!!

As many of you may have heard Pia Toscano a.k.a SNOOZEFEST has been kicked off American Idol. Thank You America, you have now made Idol somewhat interesting. The look on Jennifer Lopez's face was priceless, so worth it!

Lesson Of The Day: Maybe Idol is worth watchin after all. Is it sad that I take pleasure in others tears??

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Hatin on American Idol

Hey ya'll, so as you know I have been M.I.A for a few months and that is contributing why this post is coming so late since Idol is already down to nine (although one is leavin tonight). Anyways, I am back and louder than ever so put your boxin gloves on J-Hoe cause I am comin after you.


The beginnin of the season started off with a bang. Steven Tyler was the only reason I watched because god only knew what that dude was gonna say. Unfortunately Idol has told him to tone it down, and we don't hear much from Tyler these days except for him telling every contestant that they blew him away....how is that possible considering most nights I fast forward through their lackluster performances. There was hope that Randy Jackson would be the new Simon as he started out being brutally honest during auditions, but Jennifer Lopez made it impossible for him to speak. Any time he disagreed with her she would cut him off by sayin "shush" or talking over him with how great the person was. Sometimes she would give a fake tear or claim to have "goose pimples". News flash beyotch, you may be able to be a Diva to your damn assistant, but back the F off and let someone else talk. No wonder you married Mark Anthony, if he ever gets out of hand you can squish him like the untalented bug that he is. It's so annoying that the judges never have anything negative to say, so today....I am the new Simon Cowell and am going to be brutally honest about the remaining 9....here goes:

Pia Toscano- amazing voice, but damn girl how many time we gotta tell you to pick up your damn feet and get into it. This walking and stopping bullshiz has gotta stop. Get down with your bad self.

Casey Abrams - very talented, but don't always act like a wounded puppy. Own it, and pleaseeee on behalf of all of the rotten food crumbs....shave the damn beard completely off, I promise you'll get more votes. I will even finally pick up the damn phone cause you are one of my favs.

James Durbin - Well this week you've toned down the screaming, so that's a plus. Unfortunately, you will never be as good as Adam Lambert. Please stop hammin it up for the cameras. Let Ryan do his job and get out of the damn way!

Scotty McCreery - Dude your facial expressions are killen me. And what the hell is up with singin and talkin out the side of yo damn mouth fool? You are not a ladies man and will never be Elvis. You only did Elvis justice last night because you sounded better then you have before, and that still isn't sayin much!

Paul McDonald - I love you Paul, you are one of my favs. I do feel like you've been slackin ever since you did Rod Stewart, lets bring back some of that! Quirky is in my friend!

Stefano Langone - A great improvement last night, but you still remind me of a cruise ship performer. I ain't got nothin against you son, but I think you will be leavin soon.

Jacob Lusk - What is this a damn cheerleading competition? Tone down the facials son! Your expressions are so hideous they give me nightmares. You over sing most of your songs. When you don't over sing a song you over dramatize the performance which takes away from your singing capabilities. You are creepy as shiz dude.

Haley Reinhart - You got a great voice girl, but cool it with the growling. It's great to do it at peak moments in a song, but last night was wayyyy too much. Your voice is amazing at the end of songs when you are softer and not tryin to be a lioness.

Lauren Alaina - Love you girl! You are my favorite of the girls. I love how you are country and rock and roll. The mixture is a great combination. I think you need to work on your self esteem. You are so beautiful and girlfriend I noticed you been losin weight. With a voice and looks like that you are goin places, so put some more pep back into that step!

Lesson Of The Day: Bring back Simon, we need more honesty because nice is boring!!!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

She's BAAAACKKKKKK

Dang son the bitch is back! Boy do I have tons of hate to unleash. Lets start with Britney Spears. Your girl is not an avid fan of hers, but what the hell is the deal with everyone hatin on her dancin? She's released two music videos and done some live performances recently and everyone is talkin bout how her dancin sucks. Lets be honest...she is not nearly as good as she used to be, but the girl has popped out two babes and has turned the big 3-0. She still rocks it way harder then that joke of a performer Lady CaCa. I mean that bitch only became famous because she's so fuggin outrageous. I will admit, when the Lady Man started she did entertaining videos, but now she is just plain freaky. How is she considered a fashion icon when all she wears is a bra and panties? How could anyone think that she is fashionable when she slaughters cows just to wear them to awards shows? What about the time she wore red panty hose over her entire body and face? I don't even need to bring attention to that freakin egg she arrived in, lets be honest...she only showed up to the red carpet in that so she didn't have to talk to the media. You peeps are blind and stupid if you like that joke. Plus, her dancing is that of a beginner. Christina Aguilera could never dance either. Those two bitches had back up dancers that made them look bad! If I sucked that hardcore I would hire shitty dancers to make me look like I was as good as Britney is on a stiff day.

Lesson Of The Day: Stop saying Britney's dancing sucks when she is still wayyyy better then Lady CaCa and Christina Barfulara.