Thursday, April 7, 2011

Hatin on American Idol

Hey ya'll, so as you know I have been M.I.A for a few months and that is contributing why this post is coming so late since Idol is already down to nine (although one is leavin tonight). Anyways, I am back and louder than ever so put your boxin gloves on J-Hoe cause I am comin after you.


The beginnin of the season started off with a bang. Steven Tyler was the only reason I watched because god only knew what that dude was gonna say. Unfortunately Idol has told him to tone it down, and we don't hear much from Tyler these days except for him telling every contestant that they blew him away....how is that possible considering most nights I fast forward through their lackluster performances. There was hope that Randy Jackson would be the new Simon as he started out being brutally honest during auditions, but Jennifer Lopez made it impossible for him to speak. Any time he disagreed with her she would cut him off by sayin "shush" or talking over him with how great the person was. Sometimes she would give a fake tear or claim to have "goose pimples". News flash beyotch, you may be able to be a Diva to your damn assistant, but back the F off and let someone else talk. No wonder you married Mark Anthony, if he ever gets out of hand you can squish him like the untalented bug that he is. It's so annoying that the judges never have anything negative to say, so today....I am the new Simon Cowell and am going to be brutally honest about the remaining 9....here goes:

Pia Toscano- amazing voice, but damn girl how many time we gotta tell you to pick up your damn feet and get into it. This walking and stopping bullshiz has gotta stop. Get down with your bad self.

Casey Abrams - very talented, but don't always act like a wounded puppy. Own it, and pleaseeee on behalf of all of the rotten food crumbs....shave the damn beard completely off, I promise you'll get more votes. I will even finally pick up the damn phone cause you are one of my favs.

James Durbin - Well this week you've toned down the screaming, so that's a plus. Unfortunately, you will never be as good as Adam Lambert. Please stop hammin it up for the cameras. Let Ryan do his job and get out of the damn way!

Scotty McCreery - Dude your facial expressions are killen me. And what the hell is up with singin and talkin out the side of yo damn mouth fool? You are not a ladies man and will never be Elvis. You only did Elvis justice last night because you sounded better then you have before, and that still isn't sayin much!

Paul McDonald - I love you Paul, you are one of my favs. I do feel like you've been slackin ever since you did Rod Stewart, lets bring back some of that! Quirky is in my friend!

Stefano Langone - A great improvement last night, but you still remind me of a cruise ship performer. I ain't got nothin against you son, but I think you will be leavin soon.

Jacob Lusk - What is this a damn cheerleading competition? Tone down the facials son! Your expressions are so hideous they give me nightmares. You over sing most of your songs. When you don't over sing a song you over dramatize the performance which takes away from your singing capabilities. You are creepy as shiz dude.

Haley Reinhart - You got a great voice girl, but cool it with the growling. It's great to do it at peak moments in a song, but last night was wayyyy too much. Your voice is amazing at the end of songs when you are softer and not tryin to be a lioness.

Lauren Alaina - Love you girl! You are my favorite of the girls. I love how you are country and rock and roll. The mixture is a great combination. I think you need to work on your self esteem. You are so beautiful and girlfriend I noticed you been losin weight. With a voice and looks like that you are goin places, so put some more pep back into that step!

Lesson Of The Day: Bring back Simon, we need more honesty because nice is boring!!!

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